Fixation
by munrochambers4ever
Summary: I knew what she was going through. I knew what it was like to have to cling to something. To never want to let it go. It wasn't pretty or fun, and I would help her. Even if it killed me.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** **I actually had a dream about this but it was with me and this one kid who I used to meet. The dream was weird because it was like a commercial for this movie, but when I woke up I knew the entire plot and everything. It was strange. Anyway, I really liked the plot and I'm sure it's been written before, but I couldn't write it out with myself and the kid in the dream, so I changed it to Eli and Clare. Yeah.**

**AU / OOC**

The music was loud. And when I say loud, I mean _loud_. Even outside, the bass of the band shook the ground and vibrated through my feet. Adam laughed and met up with his brother. Drew and KC were with three girls. Drew's girlfriend, Alli, a short, tan Indian girl who was known for being provacative. I'm almost positive that's why Drew was dating her. KC's girlfriend, Jenna, was short too, but she was blonde and your typical All American Girl. Too preppy for my taste.

They were with one other girl. One I didn't recognize. She was short too, but taller than the other girls. She had really long, curly aubrun hair. She was wearing a black skirt with a light pink long sleeve shirt. The shirt looked so soft. I had the strangest urge to reach out and touch her. While Drew and Adam were talking, I was silently admiring her. She glanced at me, and when she caught me looking, she turned away and bit her lip.

Her eyes were very blue. A kind of blue that you couldn't pinpoint a color to. Not turquoist, not baby blue. Some sort of blue all it's own. I felt like I could literally dive into her eyes and swim in them.

"Eli," Drew snapped. "I'm trying to talk to you,"

"Huh?" I asked, taking my eyes off the mystery girl in front of me.

"Are you throwing down or what?"

"Uh, yeah," I muttered and pulled a twenty out of my wallet. Adam and I handed Drew our money and he took off to look for Bianca in the crowd. Adam walked over to KC and muttered something in his ear. They laughed and then continued a conversation. Alli and Jenna were also talking, leaving me and my mystery girl alone. I walked over to her and slid my arm around her shoulders. "Hi, there," I whispered in her ear.

She shuddered and then took a step away from me. She nervously pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "Hi,"

"I'm Eli," I looked at her up and down. Something about her innocent look made her seem wild in bed. I wanted to know what she was like in bed. I wanted to trash her. She shifted her weight slightly and I could see the small movement in her hips. It was driving me crazy.

"I'm Clare,"

Clare. _Clare_. I could definitely see myself screaming that out in bed. Her voice was soft - like her shirt. I felt like her voice just melted from her throat and spilled off her tongue. I wanted her to say my name, I wanted her to _scream_ my name.

Drew returned before I could press the conversation, and he wrapped his arm around me and showed me the small baggie he had. Inside, there were two joints. I smiled, "Alright!"

"C'mon, I know a place," KC said. His friend had thrown this party so he knew the area better than us.

Jenna and Alli hopped off the chairs they were sitting on and follow Adam, KC and Drew towards the forest. I glanced at Clare, "You coming?"

She bit her lip again and that made my pants tighten a bit. I wish she would bite _my_ lip. "Sure,"

We walked side by side into the forest and I could feel her growing nervous. I smirked and brushed my arm against hers. She gasped a little and blushed.

KC finally stopped and I looked around to survey the area. We were surrounded by trees. I thought we'd be pretty safe. Drew took out the joints and lit one. He took two hits then passed it to Alli. It went around twice and I noticed that Clare never took a hit.

It went around three more times, then Drew lit the next one. It had already kicked in for me and my mind felt pretty mushy. The world seemed like a dream and I loved it. I couldnt remember what happend five seconds ago, and my feet were going numb. I was started to see the haze around everything.

It got to me and I took my last lit. Clare was leaning up against the tree across from me. I passed Drew the joint and walked over to Clare. "Are you gonna partake?" I asked.

She shook her head. "I don't do drugs,"

"Then why are you at a party?" I placed my arm on the tree, trapping her to me.

"I don't mind being around people who do it, I just don't like to,"

"Have you ever tried it?" I wondered.

"No,"

"Then how do you know you don't like it?" I laughed and took a step closer, without even realizing it.

"I just don't want to do drugs. I wanna be able to tell my kids I've never done a drug in my whole life,"

"Can you kiss?" I whispered and lowered my face to hers.

She swallowed and bit her lip. Instead of letting her answer, I leaned down and pressed my lips against hers. Maybe it was because I was high, but her lips felt so soft. I lost my own in hers. She was a timid kisser, barely kissing back. So I bit her lip and she gasped, letting me slip my tongue in her mouth. She tasted so fucking good. I took my hand off the tree and put them on her waist, pushing her against the hard bark.

My hazey mind didn't remind me about the others around us and I figured they were all making out as well. Clare's tiny hands wrapped around my neck and she hesitatantly pulled my hair. I groaned and pushed myself harder against her. Feeling daring because of the weed, I reached down and lifted her, slamming her harder against the tree. I rubbed my erection against her and she moaned.

Smirking, I pulled back and kissed down her neck. She was melting at my touch. Perfect. I started sucking on my neck, loving her gasps. I pushed myself harder against her. "Say my name," I whispered.

"Eli," she breathed.

"_Louder_," I rubbed myself harder against her center.

"_Eli_," she moaned.

I kissed back to her ear and tugged on the little hoop earing she was wearing. She gasped. "Let me fuck you," I breathed in her ear.

"No."

"Please?" I begged, starting slow thrusts against her.

She pulled my hair tighter, but sighed. "No."

I rubbed my erection against her slowly. "Let me fuck you," I repeated.

"No," she put her hands on my shoulders and pushed me back, setting her feet on the ground. I sighed and walked away, back to leaning against the tree I was orginally on.

"Dude," Adam came over and stood next to me. "Never gonna happen. Alli was telling me about her. Totally straight edge. Never smoked, drank, fucked. You were like the third guy she's ever kissed. Not worth it,"

"You know I've never fucked a virgin," I smirked at him.

He laughed.

I looked back at Clare. She was flushed and looking at the ground, biting her lip. It seemed like just a memory, but a minute ago, I was the one biting her lip. I shook my head and turned back to Drew.

"Let me hit that one more time,"

_**Two Years Later.**_

"Thank you," The woman murmured as I held the door for her. I nodded, smiled, and walked out of the building, adjusting my bookbag over my shoulder.

Second year of college and only four more days to go. I was thrilled. Adam was throwing me a huge party, and my parents were buying me something special. They wouldn't tell me what, though, but I was hoping it would be a new car.

My last year at Degrassi was my worst. After smoking and drinking my way through one semester, I got caught with it all. Fucked up on Vicodins, I crashed my car into a wall and almost kissed myself. After that, my parents found all of my stashes and threw me into rehab. The rest of my Senior year was spent with people who cut themselves to feel high and physcos that talked to themselves. I got clean, though, and kept up on my school work. Barely passing, I graduated with Adam, Drew and KC. Adam still drank on the weekends, but trying to be a good friend, he stopped smoking. We had made a pact and so far, we both followed through with it.

Drew and KC kept up with the drugs, but they never went off the deep-end like I did. I was looking forward to my party this weekend. The sun was really hot on my skin as I walked down the block to my car. I reached in my back pocket for my keys and stumbled over sometihng.

I looked down and saw someone's leg.

"Watch where the fuck you're going!" They yelled in a hoarse voice.

I looked at the person. "Watch where the fuck you're sitting!"

The girl was thin. Very, very, unhealthy thin. She had black hair matted all over her face and it looked as greasy as a McDonald's burger. Her blue t-shirt clung to her skinny body and her skinny jeans were dirty as the ground she was sleeping on. She glared at me, and through all the eyeliner and black hair in the way, I saw her impossible blue eyes.

Blue eyes that didn't have a name. Blue eyes that you could swim in. Blue eyes that were so familiar to me. I stared into her blue eyes, the night of the party crashing through my mind. I was too high to remember it all, but I remembered her impossible blue eyes.

"Clare?" I shouted.

**Author's note: Well there is the set-up chapter. I hope you liked it and yeah. I will post the next chapter soon. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** **I'm glad some people like this. I wasn't too sure if the plot would be good, but I like it so yeah xD**

Clare didn't move her eyes away from my face. The wind blew and her short, black, matted hair didn't move. It was hardened. Clare finally stood up and I got a real good look at her.

Like I said before, she was skinny. But with her standing, I could see her bones. I wondered when the last time she ate was. Her hair...Her hair was disgusting. She wasn't wearing glasses anymore, and besides the eyeliner, her eyes were the same. I swallowed. "What happened to you?"

She shook her head and walked over to the bus stop and sat down on the bench in there. "I got tired of my mom, so I left. I couldn't find a job, so now I'm here,"

"Does your mom know?" I wondered.

Instead of answering me, she reached down her pants and pulled out a small baggy with white powder in it. She looked around, before dumping a little bit into the palm of her hand. She glanced around one more time before leaning down and snorting it all up. "You want some?" She held her hand out to me.

"Uh, no, I'm good. I don't do drugs anymore, and I never really did blow in the first place,"

She shrugged. "Really? It's the only thing I've done. It's perfect," She snorted the rest of it, then wiped her hands on her jeans and stuffed the baggy back into her pants.

"So," I began. "If you're _homeless_, then how do you aford money for cocaine?" I figured that I already knew the answer, but I wanted her to prove me wrong and tell me something else. I didn't want to believe she had let this happen to her.

Clare laughed. "How do you think?"

I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat. I couldn't picture her sleeping with various guys just to get her fix. But I knew what she was going through. I knew what it was like to have to cling to something. To never want to let it go. It wasn't pretty or fun, and I would help her. Even if it killed me.

I stood up. "Come on. I'm gonna buy you a burger - let's go,"

She sighed and stood up, too, swaying a little. Her buzz was kicking in. She giggled and followed me down to street to the nearest McDonalds.

I ordered her two burgers and two fries. I knew she would be hungry. We sat down and she dug in. I watched her when she wasn't looking. She crouched over her tray, like someone was gonna come behind her and steal it. She tried to shove all the food in her mouth at once like she couldn't get enough of it. Her skinny fingers could barely hold the Big Mac. My heart felt like it was breaking as I watched her. She was completely gone.

When she was finished, she glanced up at me with glazed blue eyes. Her pupils were beyond huge. She was stoned as a motherfucker. I checked my watch - it was about 8:30 and getting dark. Weighing my options, I stood up and put some money on the table. I grabbed her elbow and pulled her out of the booth.

"W-Wher are we going?" She asked. She was staggering as she walked and I lead her to my car.

"I'm not gonna let you sleep on the streets tonight. You can crash at my place,"

She stopped walking and yanked her arm away from me. "So that's what this is? You had to play me? Honey, if you wanted to fuck, you just had to throw me a twenty. You didn't have to buy dinner," She laughed and reached forward to ruffle my hair.

Once again, I felt my heart shatter because of this stranger. The Clare I met at the party would have never been like this. Hell, the Clare I met would have never even used the word _fuck_. I felt like puking.

Instead, I just grabbed her elbow again and helped her sit in the car. She brought her feet up, and curled into a ball, resting her head on her knees.

* * *

><p>When we got back to my apartment, I walked her up the stairs. She was half asleep and high and she fell twice. I finally managed to get her into my bedroom. She smiled, her eyes half opened and walked forward. She placed her hands on my bed and sighed. "It's really soft, Eli,"<p>

"You can sleep here tonight. I'll be on the couch,"

She nodded and crawled into my bed, snuggling deep into the covers and pillows. This must have been the first time in months she's slept in a bed. I sighed and turned the light off, walking into the living room.

She had changed to much. I didn't even know Clare that well when I met her, but I knew that this should have never happened to her. she wasn't just going downhill, she was already at the bottom. I felt for her, I did. When I got put into rehab, I felt like I was at the bottom. I know it isn't easy to climb back to the top. But I would help her and get her back on top of that beautiful hill where she belonged.

**Author's note: **


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** **i feel like i've been neglecting you guys im sorry lol i've been really busy but here you go :)**

For once in a long time, I woke up on my own. No alarm clocks, no annoying cell phone, no too-bright suns, just waking up because I was done sleeping. I rubbed my eyes, then remember Clare had spent the night. My head began to whirl. It felt so much like a dream, but in the pit of my stomach, I knew that it was true.

I didn't want to wake her because I had no idea when she had last slept, so I started making breakfast. Bacon and eggs - keeping it simple. When I was just about done, she walked into the kitchen - her clothes clinging to her. She was rubbing dull mascara and eyeliner away from her eyes and her hair was more crazy than before. I smiled at her. "Morning, sunshine,"

She didn't respond - just sat down at the table and picked up a fork. She started twirling it in her fingers.

"Hungry?" I asked, pulling the pan off the stove.

She nodded and I slid two eggs onto her plate. She reached over and grabbed some bacon. I took out two glasses and filled them with milk, then sat down across from her.

"Thank you," She said before digging in.

I smiled. "You're welcome. When was the last time you ate anyway?"

"Before last night? I'd say about four days ago. I'm usually too high to remember that I'm hungry,"

I nodded, but didn't say anything. I had nothing to say to that.

We ate in silence - neither of us knowing what to say. It's not like I knew her that well before and the fact that she had changed so much made it way more awkward to have a conversation.

"Do you mind if I take a shower?" She asked, finishing the rest of her milk.

"No, go ahead," I put a couple more pieces of bacon on my plate.

After I was finished eating, I cleand up the table and went into my room to change.

Clare was standing next to my bed, bare naked, staring at her clothes.

"Whoa, uh, I'm sorry," I muttered, covering my eyes and looking down.

"Don't be sorry," she said. "It's your room,"

"What, uhm, what exactly are you doing?"

"Considering putting my clothes back on. I've been in them for five weeks now,"

I sighed and walked over to my dresser, throwing a pair of boxers and a t-shirt on the bed. "Here, wear these. I'll throw your clothes in the wash," I walked over, carefully avoiding her body, and took her clothes.

They smelled like cocaine and beer and cigarettes and dirt and anything else you can think of. I threw them in the washer, then walked back into my room. She was snorting coke off of her hand again.

"You gotta stop that," I said.

"Oh yeah? Who's gonna make me?"

"Me," I said. "I'm going to make you. I'm not gonna let you throw the rest of your life away,"

Clare laughed. "Take a look around, baby, it's already thrown out!"

"You can still clean yourself up and go home,"

"Like I want to," She scoffed and poured more cocaine onto her palm.

I walked over and smacked her hand, the white powder falling onto the carpet.

"What the fuck?" She yelled and stood up. "Do you know how much that costs? Do you know what I had to fucking do to get that coke?"

"I don't care," I said, shrugging.

"Fucking dick," She mumbled and started towards the door. I put my arm out in front of her. "What now?"

"I'm not letting you go back out into the streets. You're staying here,"

"You can't fucking make me stay here, Eli. Move,"

"No,"

She slapped me across the face. I was stunned by it and the backlash made me drop my hand. She pushed me out of the way and walked out the front door, slamming it. I sighed and grabbed my car keys just as it started to thunder.

**Author's note: what even? irdk.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:** **It means a lot to me that you guys are liking this. I'm feeling like I don't do the plot justice, so I'm trying a little bit harder. Bare with me :)**

By the time I reached my car, the rain was coming down in buckets. Clare couldn't have gotten far in this. Peering through my windshield wipers, I circled the block twice before I drove towards my University. I figured she would be in the same place she was yesterday when I found her, or at least close by.

I spotted her when I drove passed a bus stop. It was a sheltered bus stop and she was sitting on the bench inside, completely soaked. Parked in front of the bus stop and got out, slamming my door and running into the shelter.

"Come on, Clare, let's go!" I yelled over the sound of pouring rain.

"Why should I got with you? I barely know you!"

"Please, Clare, just come back to my house with me!"

"No!" She shouted.

"So you're just gonna sit out here in the rain?"

"It's nothing I haven't done before and I think I'm doing just fine," She motioned the the shelter we were under.

I scoffed. "Yeah, real fine. You're fucking homeless and a prostitute! You're addicted to cocaine and you're starving! But you've got everything under fucking control, right?"

"Oh you're on to talk!" Her words were laced with acid - she was trying to hurt me. "Your fucking Senior year you over dosed and almost killed yourself. You were just as much of whore as I am now. You have no room to say anything. You're a loser,"

Her words shocked me, but they didn't hurt me. I had heard it before from various people. Still, though...it stung coming from her. I shook off the pain. "But I cleaned myself up. I'm getting a degree, I have a house, a job. You have nothing but your drugs. _You_ are a loser, Clare, not me. Now, dammit, let me help you,"

"Why are you even trying, Eli?" She shouted over the loud boom of thunder. "You don't know me, so what's the point? You think if you help me, I'll bang you?"

"This has _nothing_ to do with sex!" I screamed. "See what I mean? You turned into such a whore that you think everyone wants to bang you, Clare? You think I want that?"

"You did two years ago," She pointed out.

"That was when you were good. When you were innocent and shy. Now you're some trashy street whore. I wouldn't fuck you if _you_ paid _me_. Who knows what you have,"

Her mouth dropped. "You think this is really convincing me to come with you? Screw yourself, Eli," Just as she said that, a horn blared from the street. Clare got up and I turned.

A tall guy stepped out of the car and ran into the shelter. He wrapped he arm around Clare, then glared at me. "This guy giving you problems, baby?" He asked.

"No. Now give me the money you owe me from last time," Clare said, holding her hand out.

"I thought we were gonna have some fun first," His hand dropped down to her ass.

She pushed it away. "Not until you pay me from last time,"

"I told you I would pay you. Now come, let me take you out of this rain," He noticed me looking and scoffed at me. "Problem?"

"Who are you?" I asked.

"A very _unsatisfied_ customer," He muttered towards Clare.

She stepped away from him. "Fitz, give me my goddamn money,"

He reached his hand up to caress her cheek. "I will pay you, baby, but first make it worth my wild,"

"I made it worth it last time! Give me my fucking money!" She screamed.

He pulled his hand away and then quickly slapped her. I was so shocked and it happened to fast, that I couldn't be sure it happened.

"Don't talk to me like that," Fitz growled.

Clare reached up and cupped her cheek, a little bit of blood spilling from her lip.

"What the fuck, man?" I yelled and pushed him.

He lookd at me, shocked, and laughed. "What? Are you her Sugar Daddy?"

"Don't fucking touch her,"

"She's a whore, bro, that's what you do. You touch her and you fucking her and you pay her. It's her job,"

"Don't. Hit. Her." I growled, my glar focused hard on his eyes.

Fitz sighed, frustrated and looked at Clare. "Baby, if I give you ten extra bucks, can I knock you around a little?"

I pushed him again. "No,"

He grabbed the collar of my jacket. "Touch me one more time,"

Before anyone could do anything, the bus beeped. My car was in the way. Fitz looked between me, Clare and the bus, then grabbed her arm. "Come on, baby,"

"I'm not going anywhere till you give me my money!" She screamed.

I wrapped my arm around Clare's shoulder and pulled her out of the shelter and into my car.

"This isn't over, freak!" Fitz yelled and we drove off.

"So who is that guy?"

"What do you think? He's a regular, but he didn't pay me last time. Guess I should start asking for cash up front?"

"How often does he hit you?" I wondered.

"Only when I don't go along with what he says. They all do, actually. You get used to it,"

"That's sick," I muttered.

"I need the money,"

"For what? More cocaine?"

"Judge me all you want, Eli, I don't care,"

"You had a future, you know. You could have gone to college and got a career and became a good mother. You can still do that. I can help you clean yourself up," I said with sympathy in my voice. If I had someone where when I went off the deep end, maybe I would have never crashed Morty.

"I don't know..."

"Why don't you just stay at my place again tonight and then we can talk about it tomorrow?"

She didn't say anything, but she nodded. That was a start.

**Author's note: meep.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: bum bum bum buh da bum**

Her clothes were done drying by the time we got home, so I let her change into them while I put our wet clothes in the dryer. I pulled on some sweat pants and a t-shirt and sat down at the kitchen table across from her.

"We said we would talk about this tomorrow," She mumbled.

"We're not talking about anything yet. Just tell me why you let him treat you that way,"

"What choice do I have, Eli? If I want his money, I have to play by his rules,"

"You're better than that," I argued.

"Oh, right. I'm just so fucking perfect, Eli! So _fucking _perfect, aren't I? You think you know me so fucking well,"

I didn't let her yelling effect me. I clenched my hands and glared at the table. "I do know that you're better than that. Hell, the Clare I met two years ago was having _everything_ go for her! What the hell happened?"

"You didn't know her, either," Clare growled. "She wasn't the perfect girl you thought she was,"

"You need to stop doing cocaine,"

"No,"

I shook my head and stood up, marching into the living room and grabbing the phone. Clare was right on my heels.

"What are you doing? Who are you calling?"

"A rehabilitation center near by. If I can't get you stop, then they can, but I'm not gonna let you keep doing this,"

"No, Eli, stop!" She reached for the phone, but I pulled away. It started ringing.

"Eli, stop!" she screamed and pushed me. "I'll tell you everything, just put the phone down!"

I hung up and set the phone down. "Everything?"

"Everything," She breathed.

I sat down on the couch and she sat down next to me. "The girl you met at the party was not perfect. She already hated herself. A few months after that, my parents got divorced and my dad fucking disappeared off the face of the Earth. My mom went into a downward spiral and started getting with random dudes. And-prepare yourself for a cliche-when they were done with her, they came for me. She finally settled down with this one low-life and he had a son. We fucked off and on for a long time until I got pregnant. I didn't know how to tell my mom and I didn't want to get an abortion so the mother fucker just pushed me down the stairs one day like it was no fucking big deal. The baby died, but I was fine. I was done with all their shit so I ran away. I've seen movies and shit, so I had an idea how to get money and one of my first...uh, customers, gave me some blow one day and it just made sleeping with guys easier, so that's it. There's the whole story. No happy ending for me,"

The images in my mind were not pretty. Everything that she's been through-I can imagine why she would run away. Everything really fell down for her. I knew what that was like. I could help her climb her way back to the top.

"Clare, I know it sucks, but you have to stop doing coke. That's the first step,"

She sighed. "It's not like I _want_ to do it. It just makes sleeping with guys easier when I don't really have to _feel_,"

"Then stop sleeping with guys," I suggested.

"How will I get money?"

"You'll get a job,"

"It's not that easy,"

I slid over to her on the couch and put my arm around her shoulder. "I'll help you,"

She snuggled into my chest and sighed. "Thank you, Eli. I'm sorry for what I said earlier,"

"Me, too," I kissed the top of her head. "You should die your hair back to auburn. It looked prettier that way,"

"I know," she laughed. "But after I ran away I needed a disguise,"

I chuckled a little, then my phone started ringing. I pulled away from Clare and picked it up. "Hello?"

"Bro, what's up? What time are you showing up tonight?" Adam asked.

I sighed. "Ah, shit. Fuck me, I forgot that was tonight,"

"You forgot about your own grad party?"

"Yeah...uh, I guess I'll be there around 8,"

"Cool. Plenty of time to set up. Thanks, dude,"

"Yeah," I hung up and looked at Clare. "Dammit,"

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"I totally forgot my graduation party is tonight?"

Her face fell a little. "Do you want me to leave? I can find somewhere else to stay tonight,"

Fitz's face appeared in my mind. "Oh God, no! I wanted you to come to the party, but...there's gonna be drugs there,"

She bit her lip. "Oh. Well this could be my test? To see if I can be around them and not do them? I can try, at least,"

I thought it over. If I just stayed with her most of the night, she should be fine. I nodded. "Okay."

* * *

><p>I stepped out of the shower and shook my head, water droplets flying everywhere. Loud music was coming from the living room. I wrapped a towel around my waist and walked out.<p>

Clare was dancing around the living room - jumping on the couch and bouncing all around. I walked to the stereo and turned it off. She looked up and blushed - caught in the act. She hopped off the couch and walked forward. Her pupils were totally normal. I smiled. "Why so happy?" I asked.

"Cause we're going to a party," She laughed.

"That makes you happy?"

"Parties are fun," She shrugged.

I smiled at her. "Well, I'm gonna go finish getting ready,"

"Wait, before you go...I wanna thank you-really _thank_ you-for helping me out. The right way," She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled her fingers throug my wet hair.

"What exactly is the right way of thanking me?" I asked, nervous.

She smiled and giggled. "A sincere, honest thank you,"

I smiled back at her and locked eyes with her.

We both felt it in that moment and once we felt it, it happened so fast. She pulled my face to hers and I just attacked her lips. They tasted the same as they did two years ago. Nothing had changed that. I gripped her waist with my fingers and flushed her body against mine.

She moaned in my mouth and the bulge behind my towel got larger. Clare felt it and reached down to drop my towel, then kissed me harder and pushed me towards the couch, completley taking control. I fell back and pulled her on top of me. She sat back and pulled her shirt over her head, throwing it somewhere behind her.

I reached up and held her breasts in my hands. She moaned and started kissing down my neck and chest, biting here and there. I moaned loudly in anticipation when she started kissing the tiny trail of hair on my stomach that led to better things.

"I believe _this _is the proper way of thanking you," She murmured and engulfed me in her mouth.

I moaned and my hands went straight into her hair, gripping it tightly. She started moving her head back and forth, until her nose touched my groin. I figured after years of doing this, she'd be good, but I had no idea it would be _this_ amazing. My moans grew louder and louder, until she stabbed her tongue into the slit and I came, long and hair, gripping her hair and moaning her name.

She sat back and smiled. "Thank you, Eli,"

"Dear fucking God," I choked. "Thank _you_,"

"It's what I do," She laughed.

I laid there trying to catch my breath. "Oh. Shit, my bad, Clare. Do you want me to...?" I sat up and reached for her breasts, but she grabbed my hands and put them to my sides.

"It's fine. That was about thanking _you_ and I've been with so many assholes, that I don't even worry about it anymore,"

"Are you sure?"

She leaned forward and kissed the tip of my nose. "I'm positive. Now, come on, we got a party to go to!"

**Author's note: as you can tell I'm a very virginal person and i can't write smut. yup.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's note: I've been neglacting this majorly, and I'm sorry. I just lost interest in it for a little bit and got caught up in a few other stories, but I'm back into this for a while, so here you go : )**

Loud music. Loud screams. It all felt so comfortable, but unsafe at the same time. My parents' house was crowded, cars park on the lawn and it seemed everyone I've ever looked at was at this party. I can't believe they allowed Adam to do this. I stepped onto the porch, my arm wrapped tightly around Clare's waist and the smell of weed hit me already. It was going to be a long time.

Adam met me at the door and leaned in for a hug. "Hey, man, congratulations!"

"Thanks!" I smiled.

"And who is this pretty lady?" Adam looked at Clare. She smirked.

"This is Clare. You remember her, don't you? She was at a party a few years back with Alli and Jenna?"

Adam's eyes dipped over her a few times before they went wide. "Holy shit!" he yelled. "What happened to you?"

Clare's face fell and I shot Adam a shut-the-hell-up look. He looked back at me and smiled. He was already drunk. Great.

I pulled Clare away from Adam and muttered, "Sorry," in her ear. She brushed it off.

I found my parents in the kitchen, my mom cooking faster than the people could eat and my dad was pouring alcohol into cups, setting them on the counter. Only my parents.

"Eli!" My mom put down the tray of God-knows-what and came over to hug me, it was hard and warm and loving. I hugged her back the same. "I'm so proud of you, baby boy,"

My dad gave me a firm handshake, and smiled at Clare. "Who's this?"

"Oh, mom, dad, this is Clare,"

"Hi," Clare said, smiling. I could see the judgment in my mom's eyes. Clare was thin and shakey. She still had that junkie twitch to her, even though she hasn't done any since I stopped her the other day. She was dealing with withdrawls, so it made her react weird.

"Hello," My mom put her hand out. "You can call me CeCe,"

Clare's trembling hand found my mom's and they shook.

"Eli, can I talk to you for a second?" My mom asked. "In private,"

I felt nervous letting Clare out of my sight. Who knows what she could get into at this party, but she told me she was going to the bathroom and she'd be right back.

"What do you think you're doing? That girl looks horrible. Is she a stripper? A crack-head? What is wrong with her?"

"Nothing is _wrong_ with her, mom!" I defended. "She's going through a rough time and I'm trying to help her,"

"You aren't responsible for her, Elijah. You got away from that stuff, don't get sucked back into it because of some girl,"

"We aren't even dating," I said, a little confused. I wasn't sure what we were right now, but I was never into labels much anyway. "And I'm not getting back into it. She's trying to quit so I'm trying to help her, that's all,"

My mom gave me a knowing look, before turning back to her cooking, disappointed, I was sure. "Have fun tonight," She muttered over her shoulder.

I walked towards the bathroom to get Clare, but was stopped by Drew. "Hey man!" He cheered. Drunk off his ass, and holding another beer.

"Hey, Drew,"

"Who's getting laid tonight?" He laughed. "ME!"

I laughed and took his beer from him, he's obviously had enough all ready. I took small sips while I stood by the bathroom door, but when the door opened, a guy and a girl came out, faces flushed and pants unzipped. The girl wasn't Clare. I twisted my face in a disgusted grimace and went out on the back porch to look her for. I grabbed a bottle of Vodka from the kitchen on my way out. Alcohol was never my problem.

Clare wasn't out back either and I was wondering where she disappeared to, suddenly very worried. And being worried made me drink more. I had the bottle finished in under and hour, and I trew it against the padio, watching it smash.

I went back inside and something offered me another drink and a toast. I went along with it, even though I was already warm from alcohol. My body felt like it was on a buzz, and my head was swimming. I was dizzy. I went over to the couch and sat down next to Adam and KC. Adam was passed out and KC was making out with Jenna. At least they had last.

Around midnight, my parent's called everyone to attention and gave me my big surprise. I had already drank three more drinks. The red car the presented in the driveway looked blue to me, but I managed to smile and thank them, sitting the drivers seat while they took pictures. They told me not to drive it tonight. I passed out in the drivers seat.

* * *

><p>It was way to fucking bright to wake up with a hangover in a car. I dragged myself out of the car and fell onto the pavement. The second I hit, I puked up everything, right there next to the car, the vomit splattered onto it and covered my knees. It made me gag more.<p>

I used the car for support, pulling myself up. The sun was beating against my head like a hammer. I managed to get inside and was comforted by the dimness of my living room. Adam was still on the couch, Drew and KC were on the floor and some random people who I didn't remeber knowing, were scrattered around the floor and kitchen. Some party. My parents were probably asleep upstairs.

I got to the bathroom and started pounding on the door. Hangover pee and it was killing. Not to mention, I had Asprin in there and that was the only thing that sounded comforting right now.

I heard someone groan from the other side and then the toilet flushing. I pounded on the door harder. "Open the fuck up!" I yelled.

"Fuck off,"

The voice was scratchy and weak, full of pain and regret. It was Clare. I opened the door and stepped inside the small bathroom.

She was crouched over the toilet, clutching her stomach tightly with one hand, while the other hand was in her hair. Her cheek was resting against the seat.

"What happened?" I asked, snapping out of my hangover. I went over to sit on the tub, rubbing her back.

She let another round of vomit out. "I don't know what I took," she groaned. "It was nice at the time, but then I started getting scared and I felt bugs on me," She turned to look at me and I saw that she had cuts abover her eyebrows and her lip was busted open. "I tried to get them out, but I couldn't,"

"Honey, what did you take?" I asked, soothingly. "Try to remember. Who gave it to you?"

"Bianca," She muttered. "She said it would be amazing and it was until the bugs started crawling on me. Bianca told me to go inside after I started freaking out. I tried to get the bugs out with nail clippers," She pulled her left arm away from her stomach and showed me the tiny slices in her skin. "They just wouldn't get out,"

"Baby, what did you snort? Did you smoke out of anything?" I rubbed her back lightly and she puked again.

"I had to smoke it. It was in a bowl-like thing and it tasted sweet, like candy almost, but it was a crazy trip,"

"Honey, that sounds like crystal meth,"

She groaned and started puking again.

"Eli," She mumbled and closed her eyes, leaning into me. She had a sheen layer of sweat covering her forehead. "I feel so bad now. I feel gross,"

I held her and rocked her back and forth. "You'll be okay, I promise,"

"If I smoke it again, do you think I'll stop feeling this gross? I'll be able to feel how I felt last night?"

"No, Clare, don't do this again,"

"But I _want_ to," She whispered feebly into my neck. I sighed. This was just great.

**Author's note: Never smoked meth before but I was watching videos on youtube about it and holy shit it scared the fuck out of me. I will never do that shit, but some of the things she said were some of the things I saw in videos so yeah. Blah. **


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